Monday, August 10, 2009

I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Think I Can

I think I can do it. I really do. I really think that I can put on my big, brave mommy face tomorrow and do it. Or can I?

Just last week I was at Methodist Germantown on Thanksgiving Day delivering the smallest of all my babies. Just last week I cried my eyes out as my oldest daughter announced her arrival into the world with big, loud cries. Just last week I was putting her in her preemie clothes and those newborn Pampers Swaddler diapers. Just last week I was rocking her to sleep every night. Wasn't that just last week?

Somewhere in the midst of me having one baby after another for four solid years, that little baby grew up. And tomorrow, bright and early, that little baby is going off to school. Real school. Big kid school. Not the Mother's Day Out that all of us mommies call "school" for our 3 year olds. No, the big one. With kids that even drive themselves to school. Where those 5 years went, I'll never know. Well...I do know. Most of them went to being pregnant, having a baby, caring for that little baby, being pregnant again, having a baby...there's a pattern there. And during all those cycles, my oldest was growing up. And growing up way too fast! I've known for a while that it's been happening. She can ride a real bike, read an entire book that she's never seen before, brush her own teeth, lay out her own clothes, fix her own meal (if she had too), check her own blood sugar, fold her own laundry, clean up her own room, converse on an almost adult level.

Oh, my mama's heart is breaking tonight. Tomorrow my life will forever be different. Four years ago I finally got the privilege of staying home (when Isabella was born). I have spent all day every day with my children. Now the oldest two did go to preschool two mornings a week this past year...but really that was no preparation for what this year will hold. Tomorrow I join "the club." Those moms that live in their SUVs and minivans. Those moms who somehow remember the names of dozens of kids, moms, siblings, teachers, and others from school, soccer, dance, church, gymnastics, Bible study, the grocery name it. Tomorrow I can't stay in my pajamas if I want or go to the Children's Museum all day or swim with the kids for hours on end.

This afternoon I got a glimpse of "the club." At gymnastics, so many sweet mamas were sharing their stories about their first day. Long carpool lines, crying kids, kids that didn't want them to drive them, mean teachers, sweet teachers....tomorrow I will have my story to share. I will be a school-aged mom. Really? Me? A school-aged mom? My head spins just thinking about it. I have grown so very comfy in my role as a stay-at-home and play mom.

Jean Stockdale has taught us time and time again to begin slowly to release our kids. Our job is to prepare them to leave one day. To prepare them to live as adults. To teach them about the Lord and point them to Him through instruction and example. And this aim will never change. Whether Abby is at home or at school. And so in the morning I'm going to begin to release her. And I am so thankful that the Lord has provided us with the ability to send her to an excellent school with such a fabulous teacher! Her teacher is a fun, spunky lady who genuinely loves the kids and what she does. She loves animal print fabrics, wears the cutest dresses, has her hair in the most stylish cut, and always has her makeup just you know she's got an A+ in my book! And after meeting with her for Abby's diabetes care...I know that Abby is in great hands. Most importantly she's in the Lord's hands.

So it is with a huge mess of emotions that I send my baby (yes, she will always be my baby) off to kindergarten tomorrow. To make new friends and learn new things. And I am so excited for her because this year holds so much promise! She's going to fall in love with school just like I did. And I can't wait to join her in her new stage of life....let's just hope I adjust to my new stage of life quick!

And if you've actually read this far...I ask that you add Abby and her teachers and staff at her school to your prayer list this entire year as they have the very serious and challenging responsibility of managing and controlling her diabetes all day every day. Please also continue to pray that our insurance will cover her continuous blood glucose's being reviewed soon. The Lord knows the need, and I know His hand is on this.


Ashley said...

I am almost crying for you...will be praying and thinking about you tomorrow and this week! You can do it!! And next year I will need the same encouragement as Caleb starts Jr K!

Wren said...

Praying for you!!

Jill said...

I was praying for you this week! and will continue!!

susana said...

You can do it!!!!we were all praying for you..good luck..
Naton wide cash is easy and fast

Jean Stockdale said...

Oh my mommy heart hurts for you. I can so remember these days with great clarity. It hurts more than you think you can bear!

Thanks for writing with such emotion. Your post is very poignant. Keep me posted!

The Bible says that Mary treasured all these things in her heart an pondered them as she watch God's plan for her darling son revealed. I have always loved that image of her-such a mother's heart. I know you can related. Mothering is a heart issue. Blessings. Cant wait to start back in Sept. So glad you got to come by and visit with the MOMS leadership. It was such a fun night. Blessings.

Jean Stockdale said...

i posted a blog post about some of my bloggy friends. Sort of a roll call of Christian women I know. And I mentioned your blog and your business. On Monday I have a post coming out on MOMS business that I highly recommend and, of course, mentioned yours! I hope to point some business your way.

I am trying to broaden my reach in the community of Christian MOMS using the internet. Please write a blog post about MOMS and link it to my post on Monday. I will have all the details to attend MOMS at Bellevue, to watch online, to participate in an online MOMS Bible study, to download the PODCAST on Philippians and to receive regular doses of encouragement for mothering. Thank you so much for helping me reach as many MOMS as I can!

Blessings. Jean

Jean Stockdale said...

Hey Wendy. I had to laugh thinking about you and your little flock. Obviously you will not be watching much tv for many years!!! Other than programming for little people!

I look forward to seeing you Thursday. We had a great day on Thursday. Blessings.