I think I can do it. I really do. I really think that I can put on my big, brave mommy face tomorrow and do it. Or can I?
Just last week I was at Methodist Germantown on Thanksgiving Day delivering the smallest of all my babies. Just last week I cried my eyes out as my oldest daughter announced her arrival into the world with big, loud cries. Just last week I was putting her in her preemie clothes and those newborn Pampers Swaddler diapers. Just last week I was rocking her to sleep every night. Wasn't that just last week?
Somewhere in the midst of me having one baby after another for four solid years, that little baby grew up. And tomorrow, bright and early, that little baby is going off to school. Real school. Big kid school. Not the Mother's Day Out that all of us mommies call "school" for our 3 year olds. No, the big one. With kids that even drive themselves to school. Where those 5 years went, I'll never know. Well...I do know. Most of them went to being pregnant, having a baby, caring for that little baby, being pregnant again, having a baby...there's a pattern there. And during all those cycles, my oldest was growing up. And growing up way too fast! I've known for a while that it's been happening. She can ride a real bike, read an entire book that she's never seen before, brush her own teeth, lay out her own clothes, fix her own meal (if she had too), check her own blood sugar, fold her own laundry, clean up her own room, converse on an almost adult level.
Oh, my mama's heart is breaking tonight. Tomorrow my life will forever be different. Four years ago I finally got the privilege of staying home (when Isabella was born). I have spent all day every day with my children. Now the oldest two did go to preschool two mornings a week this past year...but really that was no preparation for what this year will hold. Tomorrow I join "the club." Those moms that live in their SUVs and minivans. Those moms who somehow remember the names of dozens of kids, moms, siblings, teachers, and others from school, soccer, dance, church, gymnastics, Bible study, the grocery store...you name it. Tomorrow I can't stay in my pajamas if I want or go to the Children's Museum all day or swim with the kids for hours on end.
This afternoon I got a glimpse of "the club." At gymnastics, so many sweet mamas were sharing their stories about their first day. Long carpool lines, crying kids, kids that didn't want them to drive them, mean teachers, sweet teachers....tomorrow I will have my story to share. I will be a school-aged mom. Really? Me? A school-aged mom? My head spins just thinking about it. I have grown so very comfy in my role as a stay-at-home and play mom.
Jean Stockdale has taught us time and time again to begin slowly to release our kids. Our job is to prepare them to leave one day. To prepare them to live as adults. To teach them about the Lord and point them to Him through instruction and example. And this aim will never change. Whether Abby is at home or at school. And so in the morning I'm going to begin to release her. And I am so thankful that the Lord has provided us with the ability to send her to an excellent school with such a fabulous teacher! Her teacher is a fun, spunky lady who genuinely loves the kids and what she does. She loves animal print fabrics, wears the cutest dresses, has her hair in the most stylish cut, and always has her makeup just perfect...so you know she's got an A+ in my book! And after meeting with her for Abby's diabetes care...I know that Abby is in great hands. Most importantly she's in the Lord's hands.
So it is with a huge mess of emotions that I send my baby (yes, she will always be my baby) off to kindergarten tomorrow. To make new friends and learn new things. And I am so excited for her because this year holds so much promise! She's going to fall in love with school just like I did. And I can't wait to join her in her new stage of life....let's just hope I adjust to my new stage of life quick!
And if you've actually read this far...I ask that you add Abby and her teachers and staff at her school to your prayer list this entire year as they have the very serious and challenging responsibility of managing and controlling her diabetes all day every day. Please also continue to pray that our insurance will cover her continuous blood glucose monitor...it's being reviewed soon. The Lord knows the need, and I know His hand is on this.
